You’ve heard it a million times, opposites attract but have you ever considered the various consequences of these attractions? Let me begin with a few of the opposite personality traits that can contribute to potential conflict, distress and frustration in any relationship.
Aggressive vs. passive
The pleaser vs. the self-centered
The ego maniac vs. the selfless
The giver vs. the taker
Shy vs. outgoing
The doer vs. the procrastinator
The pessimist vs. the optimist
The talker vs. the thinker
The reader vs. a TV addict
The home body vs. the adventurer
The communicator vs. the withdrawer
The neatnik vs. the slob
I could go on indefinitely with these characteristics, but for the moment, just imagine how life will, be living with your opposite. Stressful at best. So why do opposites attract? There are any number of reasons but the most common one Is that we tend to look for someone who has traits different than we have but unconscious desire to have our partner make up for what we feel we are missing.
I can recall years ago in a relationship when my self -esteem was on the floor and I had lost my confidence, passion and self-belief and I was attracted to a woman that had all of the traits that I wish I could re-capture. My hope was that being with her would help me rebound and find my strengths again. She in turn seemed to be attracted to my need for her support and belief so Bam, the relationship started. At first it was filled with fun, love, respect and trust but over time she began to resent my neediness and I began to resent her confidence and poise.
With the passage of time these differences and our lack of ability or willingness to accept unconditionally who each of us was and was becoming began to erode our relationship in a number of ways. First thing to go was respect followed closely by trust and open communication. The last thing to leave was the intimacy that is so vital in a healthy relationship. Needless to say the relationship abruptly ended after a few years in a negative way.
One of my favorite authors, Eric Butterworth says that common interests don’t guarantee a successful relationship what matters is the ability to successfully manage the differences. You will never find your perfect compatible partner, period. Sooner or later your ability to accept others for who they are will be tested. But whether you pass this test or not has nothing to do with them or their behavior but your willingness to accept who they are, who they were and who they are becoming and on their schedule not yours.