Breakups are hard and they hurt. But culture, and our friends, tell us that if we fall off the horse, we need to get up and get right back on. So what do we do next? Our friends drag us to clubs and parties trying to find the next Mr. Right. Why is it that we think when one relationship ends, we need to jump right back in and find another one?

It becomes an endless cycle of failed relationships that can only be stopped if you get off the ride and take the time to evaluate them. If you have been through a series of failed relationships, you need to face the fact that they all have one common denominator and that is you.

Your relationships end up the same way because you’ve created a pattern. You start the relationship the same way; you behave the same way during the relationship until it eventually ends the same way. You seem to think that just because you’ve got a new partner, you will have a different kind of relationship. That is like thinking buying a new baseball bat will make you a better hitter. It doesn’t work that like that.

What you need to do is sit down and think about why your relationships failed. It doesn’t have to be some deep down philosophical awakening. Just be honest with yourself. If it ended because you had nothing in common except a lust for each another, that is a very good point to consider. If it ended because he said you were too much of a nag, that is another good point to consider.

Keep thinking about the bad things in the relationships and write them down. Meeting every person you have dated in a bar says a lot about the kind of person and relationship you will have. Think about the kind of person you would like to date. Maybe the first change is to meet people in places other than bars.

If all your past relationships seem to be based on sex, perhaps you should begin meeting people with whom you have similar interests thereby being more on the same wavelength and getting more mental stimulation or having fun based on a good sense of humor. Both of which are important for a long-term relationship.

Relationships are work. Even relationships that are not romantic such as friendships, business associates and those with family members need some degree of managing to keep them healthy and successful. If you realized that you nag or have other undesirable characteristics, work on that and become a better person.

You can get off the relationship merry-go-round if you really want to. Take time between relationships to learn from the mistakes. Don’t jump back in or let lust be your guide because it seems to be the thing to do. Look for partners who are on your same level mentally and share your same sense of humor. You can turn make your relationships more successful.

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